Sounds like a tough long semester. Death is a reminder.

Feel free to reach out if you ever want to talk about things (647-470-3083) to someone with very limited life experience.


I know it feels like the high flying storyteller days are behind us, but we still have important stories to tell. I recently wrote a paper about intended adolescent pregnancy that got published. It was filled with medical jargon, and I did not understand the literature on the matter but cited and lifted words here and there. Many of the articles I cited I didn't even read. These are my new stories. Stories of intended pregnancy, drug use before pregnancies, and home care access and use among the frail elderly.

Birth is insane. You have two children of your own. You gave birth to two. To two! With your highschool darling. This is beautiful! This is a story! Your children are who know each other, will be in their 30's together, helping each other through their middle-aged problems in the 2030s and 2040s (hopefully), when the Obama era is as far away from them as Soviet dominance is from us. And so it goes.

Birth is insane and is all that exists. Really, this is the reality. Life is about birth. Life is about giving birth. When people stop giving birth, people start to die. This is life. This is biology. These are the basics.

What is sexuality without birth? Immoral?

Jesus mentioned eunuchs. Show me a pastor today who mentions eunuchs. Distance grows, icebergs melt, Obama strolls and delivers a strongly-worded cloud of nothing.

Amma says a lot. Soon it will just be the two of us living at home. The older siblings have moved out (and on?), and Acha (father, papa, pa) is max chillaxing in Kerala. Kerala, India, where communism still has a stronghold, where the revolutionary measures imposed by the Communist Parties and land reform resulted in the high human development index the state still enjoys (0.79, where the world for the first time (unsure) had a democratically elected Communist Party.

And so Gaddafi led Libya to have the highest life expectancy in all of Africa prior to the NATO-led invasion (WHO statistics). Now Libya is destabilized, there is no central government, and the healthcare system established under his reign ceases to exist. On that note, does Libya exist?

I bring this up in my tutorial when girls from a farming town attack Assad and they tell me I am supporting fascism and a dictator by bringing up Libya, and then I snap.

(And what they can do? Do they have a voice? There's only one way it can go. Yes, you know, Josh knows, your kids know too. Yes, advertisements for Rice Krispies teach us from a young age.)

They crackle and pop.

And so I exist. And they? Who knows.

My friend, whose family left Iraq following that invasion was talking to me about how shitty things are in Iraq now. Recently it rained and Baghdad flooded. But these floods never happened before under Saddam. Apparently, the minister in charge of water management/supply took the funds allocated for water projects and fled the country. Heavy rain today means the government declaring an emergency.

You are young Marylynn. You are young Josh. You are the future!

Stay strong in the faith!

Maintain positive relations with yourself!

You know there is much love when I feel free to write an email like this.

Bless you!




Krispy Kreme has never tasted so good.

-November 21

You laughed so much at the ostrich photo thing I bought at Thrift Store. I thought you'd think it was weird but you loved it. And it was nice to hear because I loved that photo thing too.

-November 21

Today I snapped at a girl in class.

But some people need to be told! And sometimes we need to represent those who are not at the table!

Did I come across as a social justice warrior?

Maybe I am a social justice warrior.

Helping others doesn't present a conflict. If the improvements in the wellbeing of others is in your interest, then helping others is in your self-interest.

Not that I'm there, but maybe one day I'll think I am there.

But what does it matter what I think?

I am blessed beyond measure.

What does He think?

It's easy to be self-righteous. But righteousness is something else altogether.


Down by the River by Letta Mbulu


muh sweeeeeets

A long conversation at lunchtime today about faith. With the family. What steps can we take from what we know? What stops us from taking those steps? Where are our priorities? Faith as dependence on God.


Getting published!


When you board the small plane, get a window seat
I am a giant on earth, you will see me see you even from afar

Press your left hand against the tiny window
I am a giant on earth, placing my index finger on your tiny window


It's weird to go into a McDonald's and be greeted and the door, and to order from a giant iPad, and to have the food delivered to your table, and to have two employees waiting on you, and to ask if a burger can be cut into two only to be told nope and then only to have your McDonald's waitress (is that even a thing?) be told by some random man who was acting like he was on his phone the whole time that the burger should be cut into two, to have her apologize for the delay, to be judged by two men from McDonald's head office for the number of sauces you ordered on your burger.

It's the best to have a sweets, a yumyums, a sweetums, a sweetie 3.14, a nerd who is so sweet, yummy, sweetumy and also yummy, who takes care of you, who is fond of you, who is every bit as excited, nervous and anxious about the future as you are.

-October 16

Player One: The way you have acted is disgraceful! It is utterly disgraceful! Get away from me, wolf. I fear for my safety.

Wolf: As if you are grace manifest! Grace Manifest! Haha.

Player One: How dare you charge at me!

Wolf: Apologies, Grace Manifest! Apologies.

Player One: I hate you.

Wolf: Grace Manifest!!

-October 4, 2015

-September 12, 2015

Just finished Modern Romance by Aziz Ansari + Eric Klinenberg, enjoyed it :)

-August 28, 2015

What a family!
What a home!
What friends, and company!
Sweets too?!?!?!?

What did I do?
Blessed, blessed.
Sacred geometry.
In a line in a line in a line

You look just like how I'ma be
Sacred geometry
In a line, in a line, in a line, in a line, in a line
Three angels in kind, on time, go straight, don't sine

-August 26

Spectacular Mountain

Mountain View

-August 20, 2015

-August 14, 2015

-July 26, 2015


-Aries, 1994


If you can't respect rap after reading the lyrics to this song then maaaaan, you're missing out.

Seen her some years later out in Decatur told her I’m sorry for causin' her pain
Causin' me pain?
Causin' me pain?
She asked again and then grabbed my right hand
Asked am I crazy, said look here, baby, I release you from all of your sins and your shame
Cause I’ve been redeemed
I found in Christ
Whatever it take I hope you find it, Mike
The look on her face shown that glory replaced all the shame and the hate and that she wears a crown
My late grandma Bettie had prayed with her heavy and told her to tell me lay my burdens down

― Run the Jewels (Ft. Diane Coffee) – Crown

-July 20, 2015

From Empire Ants, Plastic Beach:

Little memories marching on
Your little feet working the machine
Say will it spin, will it soar
My little dream working the machine

-July 14, 2015


Mountain View

Do dates matter?

LETTERS: 1/1/16

-July 12

History is written by the ruling class. If you want to know the truth about hunger and pain of the past, don't go to the history books, go to the hungry and the hurting. They are still with us, around us, around me and you.

As poor are the poor are, the rich are also poor. Do you understand?

As great as books are, how much more important it can be to find comfort with someone, to lose yourself in company that you enjoy (mesnaqt)? Sometimes hour long conversations about the day to day. Seemingly non-essential at times, but aren't these relationships the most important, that have this codependency letmehearyoutalk, the most important? More on this and hospitality later.

A friend of mine has often talked to me about how attention is the new currency. But now I think, hasn't that always been the case? Much of my discomfort stems not from my circumstances, but from attending to the wrong priorities, prioritizing what should not be prioritized. This is a privilege, it's not true for everyone, but it's true for me. And so, I dwell, in hours like these, thinking about what's right, about what needs to change.

I'm a big fan of dwelling.

And so, I dwell and dwell.

-July 6, 2015

This Is A Post On What John Piper Calls the New Calamity

In a 5-4 decision, SCOTUS ruled that states cannot ban same-sex marriage. There’s a lot of commentary going on about it. There’s been outrage and support from churches on the matter.

I was asked today what I thought about the decision. The reality is I thought very little about it before being asked. I know, to either camp this makes me seem like a cray fool.

Vineeth! This is a victory for anyone who supports the LGBT community!

Vineeth! This is the institutionalization of sin!

A Little Background is a website founded by Pastor Piper. Pastor Piper is huge for the Evangelical Christianity. He has a global following. He is recognized as an important leader. The website he made is good. Many call it a great resource for Christian teaching. I looked through the website today. I can see it’s a great resource.

The first three posts on today’s are about the verdict. I didn’t read the third post yet because I had trouble going through the first two and was wary of reading further.

Post 1 (

The main paragraph in the post is:
“What’s new is not even the celebration and approval of homosexual sin. Homosexual behavior has been exploited, and reveled in, and celebrated in art, for millennia. What’s new is normalization and institutionalization. This is the new calamity.”

Piper is saying that the normalization and institutionalization of sin is new for America and new for history.

I found this so stupid. These kinds of grandiose statements make me upset. And for some reason, in the mainstream evangelical churches, you most often see this language come out when talking about gay marriage. You don’t see superstar pastors address wealth inequality as unjust with quite the same fervor.

What conception of history, especially American history, does Piper have? Remember, this is the America that has found a way to normalize aggressive trade sanctions against many countries that have led to deaths from starvation and have caused irreparable damage for millions of civilians across the globe. You consider this the institutionalization of sin? Pastor Piper, the laws and rules in many American States that promote wealth inequality, bills that are passed in State Houses that attack already weak welfare states, all these things are the normalization and institutionalization of sin.

We are sinners. We are wretched.

Post 2 (

Closes with the following paragraph,

“You’re wrong and you’re loved — that’s the unique voice of the Christian. That’s what we say, speaking from our own experience, as Tim Keller so well puts it, “we’re far worse than we ever imagined, and far more loved than we could ever dream.”

That’s our message in this debate, when society’s elites despise us, when pop songs vilify us, when no one else has the resources to say anything outside of two extremes, we have this incomparable opportunity to let the gospel shine, to reach out in grace: you’re wrong and you’re loved. We get to say this.

That’s why homosexuality is not like other sins.”

All this drama blabla bullshit in the second last paragraph. I hate it when members of the Church in areas where the Church is so protected, where they have enjoyed security for so many years (actually hundreds), where people drive SUVs and can probably attend hockey camps and shit act SO ATTACKED. Society’s elites despise us! Pop songs vilify us! This self-victimizing bullshit. Being vilified by pop songs is some kind of persecution isn’t it? I guess that’s the kind of persecution Paul talked about? Is that the race Paul ran, the one where people sang vilifying pop songs to him? UGHHH

But anyway.

There’s this conception of sin in some Churches that some sins mentioned in the Word are worse than others. Some people believe same sex marriage is inherently worse than greed and gluttony. Some pastors are obsessed with homosexuality. I don’t know why. I guess because homosexuality remains unconventional to some groups and is yet to be normalized in the same way that divorce has been accepted by most church groups. Christians have become accepting of divorce despite Christ’s own admonishment on the practice. (For comparison, you won’t find any red letters in the Word about having homosexual relationships.)

This is not to say divorce = gay marriage. It’s to say that many Churches who commonly demonize relativism, practice a very relative morality. We have seen this with divorce. We may see this with gay marriage among many churches in the US in the coming years (we have already seen this happen with many churches; some now have openly gay pastors. And I’ve listened to a message by an openly gay pastor and it was really convicting. Their message had nothing to do with what them being gay, but I’m just saying maybe straight white men are not the only source of guidance that we have in the modern church. Okay, that was too sassy, my bad.)

The post reads like the pastor’s trying hard to preach a middle path, but it comes off sounding condemnatory… because it is condemning. There’s an element of self-righteousness inherent with going to someone and saying “hey you’re wrong and Jesus loves you.” And the guy who wrote the post makes it sound so loving “you’re wrong and Jesus loves you.” What he should be saying is “I think what you’re doing is wrong but really I’m not too sure because we used to be really anti-divorce but now it’s accepted and even pastors get divorced, like the Baptist televangelist Charles Stanley, and the Word was originally used by many white churches in the Southern US states to support slavery because of Ephesians 6:5, so if I’m being honest I don’t really know lol, so just ignore that other stuff. But one thing that hasn’t changed in the message over all these years is that Jesus loves you.”

And chances are, the gay married person will say something like “what?”

Or maybe they’ll hear the sincerity in your voice and it’ll encourage them to continue the conversation. Maybe they’ll say “it seems like you’re going through some conflicting ideas about your own faith. What does your God accept as pure and faultless, maybe starting there will help you out.”

And then he can say “oh, there are actually red letters about that one! Hold on.”


“James 1:27, Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.”

And maybe they’ll say “do you think I’m polluted?”

And then he says “Yeah?? I think??”

And they’ll say “that’s pretty condemning. Do you look after orphans and windows in their distress?”

And if he doesn’t, he’ll say “umm, noo.”

And then they should say something like “who are you to condemn me you fool..”

Or if he does, he says “I do!”

And then they should say something like “and are you polluted by the world?”

And if he has a trace of honesty in his soul, he will say “yes, I am.”

And then they should say something like “Well then I condemn you too man.”

-June 26, 2015

So happy that I'm going to pass out.

Head isn't spinning, no no.

Head is floating, floating.

-June 24, 2015

Mr McGee - Zero 7

Down the well is nothing but wet.

-June 20, 2015

Apparently ppl have actually thought about me becoming a pastor.


That's not happening tho, the pastor thing.

But really, who am I to plan?

-June 15, 2015

K: Look, there's a post about you from 2013 where I'm saying farewell.
V: What, where, show me.
K: No

Like yoo khadiggs.

-June 13, 2015

Good times Imran!

-June 12, 2015

Saroja! I am Lakshmi; didn't you recognize me?

-June 9, 2015

There's more to life than being happy.

You also have to be sad and miserable and worry about things not worth worrying about. This is a mandatory requirement.

Once in a lifetime, you might get away with it, once in a lifetime you might get away with it. Once in a lifetime, you might get away with it. Once in a lifetime, you might get away with it. Once in a lifetime.

I'm not made for all the things that people seem to be made for. I'm not made for love, for event planning, for making salads. I can admire these things, I think that's where I belong. I think I should work towards being an active listener and admirer for things of, and relating to: love, event planning, and making salads.

After my upset stomach episode, I have a completely different opinion on psychedelics. This is not to say that I won't be partaking in the future. It's to say that the world is already psychedelic. The sky has been so blue as of late. I don't know if it's normally this blue. Why isn't everyone just staring at the BLUE SAUGG SKY and marvelling. Why am I alone in this. I'm surely not alone in this right?? I share this city with a million, and this sky with billions.

I don't know what my values and goals are. I have some ideas. But I have to let them sit in my mind and let them sift. In a month's time, after some serious sifting has occurred, I'll report back (I hope). But there's always more sifting to do?

MT always asks me if I'm writing, if I have been writing. And I haven't. And why does it matter?

I wrote something (that I thought was really hilarious, but I don't know if you'll find it funny because it's not very funny..) the other day. I'm thinking of expanding on it to complete a screenplay.

There's a karnatic dance competition in Bangalore and Team Courage calls on DJ Delhi's expertise to get the edge on their competitors. His advice is absolutely insane! He tells them to dispose of years of karnatic dance and learn how to bhangra in this South meets North, Bangalore meets Golden Temple, dance move of the century. It's DJ DELHI in...THE BANGALORE BHANGRA.

This September, don't forget to be great, and don't forget to DANCE.

This September, don't forget to have fun, and don't forget to be GREAT. It's DJ DELHI in DJ DELHI IN THE BANGALORE BHANGRA.

Sometimes I think I'm not in a happy place. Then I think what are the happy places? Where am I to be? And I close my eyes and run through my life like it's a well thought-out dream sequence on stage.

What would my movie look like if it was modelled after Mishima (1985)? A story from my life, maybe my love story, interspersed with stories from my fiction. With a dope soundtrack by Philip Glass. And I close my eyes and I do these things and it doesn't always bring me comfort, but it does give me something fun to do. There's more to life than comfort and happiness.

-June 6, 2015

Best remix ever?

-June 6, 2015

Okay, those were the hardest flights of my life. Child Caesar, you didn't want to be me yesterday.

-June 3, 2015

Almost complained about flying because I'll have to wake up early and because I'm coming back on the same day and because I don't know what I'll be doing for the majority of the day.

And then I remembered I'm going to be FLYING



Above some things***



-June 1, 2015

I was loving you, I was loving
I was loving you, I was loving
Trying so hard, so hard, so so hard
Trying, trying so hard, so hard, so hard, so so hard

Comet come to me, come to me
Comet come to me, come to me, come
Comet come to me, come to me
Comet come to me, come to me, come

Thought I'd make you happy
Thought I'd make me happy too
So I never admitted
(I was loving you, I was loving)
Any of these feelings
Something in me has stopped pretending
Something in me has stopped pretending

Something in me has tried, tried, tried so hard
So hard, so hard, so hard, so hard, so
Trying, trying so hard, so hard, so hard, so hard, so

Comet come to me, come to me
Comet come to me, come to me, come
Comet come to me, come to me
Comet come to me, come to me, come

-May 31, 2015

Here are some of the songs we covered:
Lovestomed - Justin Timberlake
Circle of Life - Lien King
Temperature - Sean Paul
Gold Digger - Kanye Whest
A Place for My Head - Linkin Park
Americana Boy - Estelle


-May 30, 2015

People long to be represented as a block of text.
People, you can be represented as so many other things:
Footprint in the snow
Footprint in the sand
Slow claps
Fast claps
Medium paced claps
Decent karaoke performance
Chilling and eating a mango

-May 29, 2015

I am based on a true story.
I am based on actual events.

-May 28, 2015

Do it, do it! The disco highlights.
Do it, do it! The disco high life.
Do it, do it! The disco highlights.
Do it, do it! The disco high life.

-May 27, 2015

The orange crush said something has to blow up and Vineeth said no no no, that's not cool, don't say that, chill out man.

Orange crush, orange wave, a cup of Gatorade.

I am worthy.

-May 25, 2015

Do you want to hear happy people?
Do you want to hear what they sound like?
They sound like a chickadee's lament.


-May 23, 2015

Do you care about chicken rights?

-May 21, 2015

Yes, learning without application is fine, but why not reserve that for things you like: for dancing, music, art, those irrational aspects of the soul instead of learning without application for something that frustrates you, for drudgery.

Because living is not about feeling good. Why does Vineeth do anything related to the yard? Is it because it needs to be done? No, it's because submission teaches obedience.


-May 18, 2015


-May 17, 2015


The records won't show all of anything. They won't show all of: the day to day grind, your daydreams, your daily rituals, the hours you spend texting and doing other shit on your phone.

They won't show all of any of these things.

When you're 50, you'll come across a few photos of you playing a game on your phone and that'll be your survey sample size and you'll think that was one of the things that you did.

"But hey, atleast it's something."


Most of my records are not honest. But there's enough truthiness there for me to self-identify with someone in the stories, paragraphs, blablah's that I write, or atleast identify who/what I was trying to capture on the page.

I was looking through some old emails, honest records, and I couldn't believe it was me. But when I looked through my old writing, from around the same time, I recognized my voice and my message and myself.

It's something.

Maybe it's that I reflect on life and things and thoughts when I write, and in doing so, I remember them better. Or maybe it's that it's easier for me to connect with myself as words on a page, rather than with myself as: a person in a photograph, a person in a video, a person socializing, a person.


If someone's being dramatic and it's harmless, be dramatic with them. Don't neglect them. Go on stage. Perform. Make jokes. Buy drinks.

Look at the sun. Comment on the sun. There's always something to say about the sun.

There's no sun in sight.

Then look at the moon. And if there's no moon, look at the sky. And if there's no sky, sit and read together. I have collected a few things that you guys can read together.

-May 16, 2015

"You take care of your cheeks okay. We'll find our new normal shortly. Crazy was our normal for a few weeks, but there's something new and boring on the horizon."

sa re ga ma va pa dha ta ni so fa ti do ro let flo

-May 15, 2015

the field - silent

We are the wheels on a bus that go round and round, round and round, round and round. We are the wheels on a bus that go round and round, round and round, round and round.

Lather! Rinse! Repeat!
Routine as ritual.

Young Birdman: Without me, all that's left is you.

-May 14, 2015

The Earth revolves around the Sun at a speed of about 18.5 miles/sec (30 km/sec).

Space is the place.

-May 13, 2015

He relaxed into his seat and sipped his scotch. He focused on the tiny screen, which was buzzing with magnetic snow. All the screens blinked and then came alive.

Tears filled his eyes. He had never felt so happy in his life.

The screens went a dark, dark blue.


Upcoming Releases:
Moleskine Scans (???), Letters (December 7, 2015?)